Glimpses

 

jacket: kohls      top: forever 21   jeans: ross maternity   flats: rue 21

These last few days have been quite emotional for me as I've watched my mom go through heart surgery and recovery, and seeing my dad stay right by her worried, taking care of her.  I've been emotional thinking about last Mother's Day and the fear and emotions that came with longing to be able to celebrate and then the reality and overwhelming joy that this Mother's Day I can celebrate.   
I looked at my calendar the other week and had May 9th circled.  I hadn't thought too much about that date since becoming pregnant, but know that date would have been often in my mind if I wasn't having this baby.  May 9th would have been our baby's due date if I hadn't had an early miscarriage in August.  I think about last Mother's Day or the weeks around last August and while I trusted that God had a plan, I had no idea why he was making us wait.  
As we prepare for this baby I've had glimpses of this timing being perfect.  I know we would've figured it out, but I can't imagine if I was having a baby this weekend, the same weekend my mom was having open heart surgery.  I think about Chris' business and how he wouldn't have started it if we had a baby a year ago.  

During our struggles and pain I know I had hope that one day I would understand God's plan and why he chose this path for us, and I think I am seeing glimpses of it with the timing of things and the lessons I've learned and the person I've become.  With that being said, I've also realized that I may never fully understand why God allowed us to go through that period of pain and suffering.  I just have to trust that He knows exactly what He is doing and have faith that His plan is so much more perfect than mine. 
I feel like these small glimpses are God's way of saying to me "I knew exactly what I was doing.  Continue to trust that I will give you what you need not a day early or a day late."  

Life doesn't always go according to pinterest

sweater, maternity jeans, wedges: target    necklace: groopdealz 

Well I'm sure this is no new news to any of you, but sometimes in life and especially the blog world it's easy to assume that things are always organized, happy and in place for others.  We all know this isn't true but I think it's important to share those non-perfect moments. 
This weekend we started the first phase of getting our nursery ready.  We had to move Chris' home office down to the basement.  This room wasn't just an office, but has been our "extra" room, which just means lots of crap that's been there for too long. 
Chris did the big furniture a few weekends ago and what was left was just piles of random stuff to sort through.  Oh and cobwebs, dust and all sorts of lovely things. 
I got back from running some errands on Saturday morning and he had already done a majority of the work with bags full of garbage and less piles left.  To which I failed to say how happy I was that he started the process while I was gone. 

A few words exchanged and miscommunicated.  Along with a brief conversation about a large shelf on the middle of the wall.  Chris wanted to just leave it there because "we can just put stuff for the baby on there anyway, right?" To which I was too dramatically surprised that he thought it was a good idea to plan all our furniture and decorating around a shelf that was already there.  
I ended up sitting on the floor, sorting through piles in tears.  A few tears may have been justified, but the 20 minutes of tears I'm blaming on pregnancy hormones. 
A few apologies exchanged and things were completely okay.  But let's just say it didn't match up in my mind with this great, exciting and tender starting of our nursery. This moment was far from "instagram" or "pinterest" worthy but this is real life.  
I was thinking about it a lot more the day after and realize I have all these expectations for these exciting things that are coming: registering, preparing the nursery, organizing multiple things in our house, projects and others.  To which I blame part of it on pinterest, blogs and other unrealistic expectations.  Yes, they will be exciting, but yes they will come with their stress, miscommunications and emotions and I'm sure a large amount of them won't get done.  Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to try to do a lot of them, but I don't want my expectations and planning to get in the way of what we are really excited about and that is our sweet baby girl that is coming in July, who be happy and loved regardless of what projects or things I have completed.  

Our story

The fact that I am writing this story, reflecting on our journey though infertility, seems surreal to me.  There are many days that I still can't believe that I have a baby growing inside of me, which is something that I truly feared would never happen.

There is a part of me that wants to count the amount of doctor's appointments, shots, patches, medicine, tears, phone calls, ultrasounds, and tests I've had to get me to this point.

There is another part of me that wants to forget that all happened, as it was so hard and painful.

But I don't think that it is one or the other.

The journey we went on to get to this point has shaped me into a different person.  A person with more sympathy and wisdom, a person with a closer relationship with God and a better understanding of giving up our own plans.  But it has also made me more broken, cautious and guarded than I was before.

All these things though, I know will make me a better mother, wife, and friend and I am thankful for that.

Sometimes it's hard for me to think about what we had to go through to get pregnant.  There were so many times where it felt so scientific and medical.  Going to a hospital, being surrounded by doctors, monitored as if I was undergoing some abnormal procedure, when so many get to just "make a baby."  For me it involved weeks and weeks of preparation and monitoring, then laying on a hospital bed, surrounded by five men.  Far from anything romantic or personal.

Sometimes it's hard to not feel like so much of a normal pregnancy was taken from me.  A normal way to get pregnant, to find out your pregnant, to tell your family and friends.  The journey it took to get here seemed long, hard, draining and painful.  Two years of waiting, months of hormone pills, two failed IUI's, and three rounds of IVF.  It took a huge toll on my body psychically and emotionally.

I recently found a blogger who shares about her infertility struggles and recently wrote about going into the journey of IVF with a mindset to enjoy the process.  As well as how thankful she was for medicine and doctors that would allow her to get pregnant.  I can honestly say that I am thankful for medicine and IVF and doctors, but truthfully the only thing I enjoyed about the actual process was that it eventually worked.  While thankful, there isn't anything I enjoyed about the shots, appointments, emotions and process. I am however thankful for the lessons that God taught me and the ways it strengthened my relationship with God and with my husband.

I imagine it being compared to the training and running I did for the marathon.  As I was running it, I'd say over and over how hard it was, time consuming and draining.  And how I can't imagine doing it again.  The second I crossed the finish line, just about everything hard and painful left my mind, and I was left with this amazing feeling of accomplishment and signed up to do it again.  It all was worth it.



I certainly know that a baby is far more of an accomplishment, as well as the journey far more painful and draining to get there.  But I imagine that when I hold my baby in July, or even the times now when I hear the heartbeat or see his/her precious self on an ultrasound, the pain and hardships immediately seem every minute worth it.

I think that our journey through infertility will always be a part of me, a part of our story and a part of our baby's story.  I can imagine how much each mother loves their child when they're pregnant, and I can't even image the love that will come when I met my baby.  But I feel as though I have loved this baby for two years before I knew it was here.  I prayed daily for this baby, sacrificed for this baby and thought about this baby for such a long time.

The bottom line is that God was going to give us a baby in His perfect timing.  Past our own doings, or what our doctor, medicine and science could control.

I think about my baby by the minute and couldn't be more thankful that my time is here.  However it may be that brought us to this point.

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” -1 Samuel 1:27

A year in . . .

dress: target (similar)  sweater: target (similar)   boots: dsw (similar)

It's still a little crazy to me that I have a blog. 

That I write and people read it.

That I post pictures of my outfits for hundreds of people to see. 

Even crazier that I've shared some of my most personal things on this blog. 

When I started my blog a year ago, I honestly thought Lauren, Lauren and my mom would read it. 

and that's it. 

I had no intentions of it turning into what it has. 

It's become a place to share things that make me happy. 

to share funny stories from teaching. 

to share my heart. 

to share my skill of finding cheap clothing. 

to make real friends.
to share projects I've made. 

to process what God is teaching me. 

to be encouraged by others. 

Looking back at this last year this blog has been a great blessing and has been one of my favorite things.

I am truly convinced that God has used my blog this year as a hobby, a distraction, and a place to for me to share what He is doing in my life.

I am continually amazed at the people that I have met and the encouragement and joy that they have brought to my life.  

Each time I post a personal lesson or a glimpse into what I'm going through I'm blown away by the people that read my story, take the time to comment on my post, offer me advice, encouragement and even share their own hearts.   

I can't imagine how alone I would feel in my struggles if I hadn't met the people I have and I am beyond thankful for that. 

Not to say that there aren't things that I don't love about blogging.  Like my desire to buy more clothes or the added time it takes me to get dressed in the morning as I often feel the need for a "blog worthy" outfit post. 

Or the struggle with comparing myself and my blog to others or the amount of time I spend on my computer.

And I imagine as I continue blogging, the struggle for finding balance and avoiding comparison will increase.  

BUT the blessings from this little blog have been so good.

and I am thankful for you.  For reading my blog and for the friendships I've made.

I look forward to many more blessings!

Blessings and Curses

jacket: old navy (similar)   shirt: tjmaxx (similar)  tee: target  

Do you ever read something insightful, hear good advice or encouragement and kind of wish you didn't hear it because you know it applies directly to you? 

Because sometimes it is really hard to believe and live out that advice. 

That is how I've been feeling after I read the book Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequiest. 

I had read this book awhile ago and wanted to read it again, as I felt like it would be applicable during this stage in my life.  And I was right. 

In a chapter about blessings and curses, Shauna writes about a friend's hardships and how it seemed like God was being cruel that year, but how she knew that he was not. 

"What I know now is that his (God's) kindness burns through the deepest betrayals and invites life from death every chance we let him.  There are things the explode into our lives and we call them curses, and then one day, a year later or ten years later, we realize that they are actually something else.  They are the most precious kinds of blessings." 

I find myself many mornings having a mini pity party for myself as I have started a new round of fertility treatments. 

My mornings involve lots of different medicines and my breaks at school involve insurance phone calls and dr. appointments, my blog rolls and facebook feeds are filled with pregnancy updates and announcements and my thoughts are constantly filled with anxiousness and uncertainty for the future. 

There are many days I look at this current place I'm in and feel as though it isn't fair.  

And it is easier to be upset and annoyed at this place where God has me.  

But I have a choice daily. 

". . . but more often than not, there is something just past the heartbreak, just past the curse, just past the despair and that thing is beautiful.  You don't want it to be beautiful, at first. You want to stay in the pain and the blackness because it feels familiar, and because you're not done feeling victimized and smashed up.  But one day you'll wake up surprised and humbled, staring at something you thought for sure was a curse and has revealed itself to be a blessing - a beautiful, delicate, blessing." 

While I can see some blessings that have come from this trial, I have yet to see this season of our life as beautiful, but I am waiting.  I know some day I will get there and that gives me hope. 

While I fail all the time, I am working on this daily. 

 Daily choosing to accept this place where God has me, and daily searching for the blessings in all this.  

Update

I usually let posts like this sit in my drafts file for awhile, but I'm ready to process this and do whatever I can to move forward.  

I'm not sure why I always hesitate to write about this on my blog.  

Friends that I have met through talking about this have become one of the greatest blessings from this struggle. 

I guess I fear sounding as if I'm ungrateful for all the good things in my life, or as if this is the worst thing that I could be going through. 

But the truth is - It is hard and painful. Writing about it, finding others who are dealing with it, and receiving encouragement has made it easier. So as cautious as I am sometimes to share, I'm going to keep doing it. 

Right after I wrote this post I found out that I was pregnant.  My blood results were positive, and although still cautious we were thrilled.  We were actually in shock that I could really be pregnant.

Two days later I went in to make sure my numbers were doubling and sadly they had barely gone up.  The day after, I went in again and they started going down, which means that I was having a chemical pregnancy.

Those three days were an emotional roller coaster that I hope to never experience again.

This is the first time I have really felt angry about this whole situation. 

In the past my feelings were primarily sad, scared and tired of the whole thing.

But this time, I felt mad too. 

Mad that God let me feel pregnant for three days. 

Mad that I started planning out my pregnancy, due date, how and when we'd tell people. . . . . . 

Mad that I told my family and a few close friends, only to tell them I wasn't pregnant two days later.

Mad that I had to pay $90 that week just to find out I wasn't pregnant.

Mad that I had to do weeks and weeks of shots and medicine for nothing. 

Mad that Chris and I went out to dinner to celebrate that night. 

Mad that I'm not sure when the time is to take a break from this and when to keep going.

and mad that SO many people were praying for me and that I'm still not pregnant. 

Faith isn't perfect, and mine is far from it.

While it was a struggle, I'm still giving glory to God for I know in my heart His plan is best.

I'm thankful for a God that loves us when we're mad and don't understand His plan.

I'm thankful for a God that loves me even though I feel hurt and confused.

I'm thankful for a God that has blessed me with a family that cares and loves me more than I can understand.

I'm thankful for a God that wraps His arms around me while I wait to feel His peace.

I'm thankful for a God that will never leave me and will continue to draw me near, even more when I am sad and broken.  

The Real Deal

One day last week this is the outfit that I posted.  

I had every intention of wearing this outfit longer than an hour.  

But after I got home from running one errand I changed right into a tank top and boxer shorts and spent a majority of the day laying in bed, feeling quite miserable.

It was the farthest thing from cute or fashionable.

Honestly, the rest of the day was a pretty bad day, which you would have never known. 

This is how I looked most of the day.

It made me think.  I could be a little tricky on this blog of mine.  I can share my outfit and share my instagram pic of my caramel frappacino and how happy it made me

 (which is true, but only momentarily). 

But I can leave out how really rough my day and week last week were. 

Chris and I are in the middle of our fertility treatment.  

I was at the doctor 7 days out of 10 last week.  

I had my blood drawn each of those days, was giving myself shots every night, dealing with some rough side effects, and am in what feels like an incredibly long waiting game.

Overall that day I felt quite miserable, physically and emotionally. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing just the happy or the good of my life or anyone else's.  That is enjoyable to read.  

I love blogs that are all happy, and blogs that are all real, and ones that are a mix of the both. 

You share what you want to share. 

The lesson more for me is that you have no idea what some people are going through. 

People whose blogs you read, people you see at the store or maybe even some of your friends. 

Which makes me want to have a little more compassion and little more love for others. 

Because I probably have no idea what hard things they are dealing with. 

Plus it makes me feel a little better when I read certain blogs or look at certain instagram feeds.

 I know no one's life is perfect, everyone has their stuff going on and life will always be a mix of good things and hard things, whether people decide to share it or not.

Cup 1/2 Full    On Your Heart Tuesday

I'll be happy when . . . . .

dress: H & M  shoes: target

Sometimes I have thoughts that I need certain things in life to make me truly happy.  

I read this post by Shauna Niequist and it really made me think about what I do so often without really thinking about it.  

I find myself putting so much pressure on certain things, 

that I feel if they happen then my life will be perfect, like . . . 

I'll be happy when I'm get pregnant.  

I'll be happy when Chris gets a job that pays more money and allows him to not travel. 

I'll be happy if I feel more confident in how I look or in my abilities.  

By thinking these things I am saying that God and the place where he has me in life is not enough. 

I think God does put certain desires in our hearts, but I think the problem is when I think I need that answer in order to be happy. 

My happiness and joy should not be resting in these things but in the fact that I have a God that loves me and knows my every need and will fill my life with exactly what I need in His timing.  

I want Him to be enough to make me filled with joy.  

On your Heart Tuesday    Call me Blessed

Life on a Misson

Someday . . . .

 shirt: discovery  pants: express  shoes: target

Someday I will get to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom. 

Someday I will not have to fight the jealousness in my heart as I watch my friends get pregnant and have babies.  

Someday I'll make crafts, projects and buy baby things for my own baby.  

Someday we won't be praying every night for a baby, but will be praying for a baby we have. 

Someday when we talk about what we'll name our babies it will be because we have one on the way.

Someday my strong desire to be a mom will be fulfilled.

Someday this will all just be part of our story. 

. . . and hopefully someday very soon I will be pregnant and we will hold a baby of our own.

In the next few weeks Chris and I will start our next phase to try to get pregnant.
The chances of it being successful are high, as well as our hopes, but I know that God is the one who is ultimately in control of it all. 

I'm feeling nervous and scared to start the process again, 

but excited that this could be the end of our struggle and the start of our family.

I'm daily working to give it up to God and am thankful for his control and comfort in our lives.

On your heart Tuesdays   Life on a Mission

Regardless

 

shirt: old navy  dress: tjmaxx  shoes: kohls

A few weeks ago when I was having a rough week, a good friend dropped off a package with this beautifully framed poem in it.
The words were perfect and comforting and I've read it over and over again.  

Regardless of the circumstance, 

Regardless of the fear.

Regardless of the pain we bear, 

Regardless of the tear. 

Our God is in control 

Performing as he should, 

and he has promised in His word

to work things out for our good. 

But as a loving Father would, 

He sometimes let's us cry,

To cleanse the hurt from our heart, 

To wash it from our eye. 

Yet he gently gathers our tears, 

within His hands to stay, 

Until he turns them into jewels, 

and gives them back someday.  

I realized what a huge impact this small gift had on how I felt.  It made me feel comforted, loved and encouraged.  It has encouraged me to look for opportunities to make someone else feel the same way.   One of the blessings of the trials from this year is that I'm learning how to better love and encourage those who may be suffering.  

After reading this post, I love the idea about having goals for the week regarding how to make those around you feel loved.  This week I want to make it my goal to go out of my way to make someone feel loved and special, like my friend did for me.  

Cup Half Full   On your heart Tuesday
call me blessed   life on a mission

a jealous heart

vest: Old Navy  shirt: Rue 21  pants: Kohls  shoes: Target 

 Jealousy is a terrible feeling that has started creeping more and more into my life this year. 

The other day I found out that two more of my friends are pregnant.
Two of my friends just had babies, and I was envious of them when I found out they were pregnant.  

Sometimes I even have a hard time looking at a complete stranger who is pregnant without wishing that it was me.

 and I hate that I feel that way.

This last weekend Chris and I got to get away for a night and I was realizing how happy I am when it is just me and him.  When I remove us from everything around us I feel happier and more content with where God has us in life.  

Sometimes I think life would be easier if it were just the two of us, and I wasn't comparing my life to anyone else.  I find myself basing my happiness on what I lack or where my life is not, compared to those around me.  

Even if there was no one else around us, I still desperately want a baby.  BUT it definitely makes it harder when I see everyone else getting what I so badly want.  

And this comparing and jealousy goes into other areas of life too.  

I absolutely love my house and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.
But when I see the prices and sizes of houses selling now I am often jealous.  

I'm happy and proud of my abilities to do certain things, like running, teaching or even writing this blog.
But when I compare myself to others that do it better, I can get jealous.

I was listening to this song by the Avett Brothers and while I think he's referring to greed with material possessions, I related it to my situation.
(listen to the song here)

I am sick with wantingAnd it's evil and it's dauntingHow I let everything I cherish lay to waste
I am sick with wantingAnd it's evil how it's got meAnd everyday is worse than the one beforeThe more I have the more I think:I'm almost where I need to beIf only I could get a little more
I need for somethingNow let me break it down again
Something has me Oh something has me Acting like someone I don't wanna be. 

God has given me countless blessings.
And I want a heart free of jealousy and envy.
I want to be more content with exactly the place in life where God has put me.  While I fail over and over at this, I know that God is working in my heart to trust that He knows what is best for me.

" . . . for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." (Phil. 4:11)

Cup Half Full

Waiting quietly

 shirt: Old Navy  dress: JCPenny 

Last week was one of the harder weeks I think I've ever had. 

There was a stream of terribly sad news every day for many days straight. 

Chris' grandpa passed away, which meant that Chris and I have lost three grandpas in the last five months. 

I found out that a student of mine's mom lost her battle with cancer last weekend. 

A close friend of mine's dad passed away unexpectantly.

All in one week. 

And on the day of Chris' grandpa's funeral I found out that our last round of fertility treatments was unsuccessful and I am not pregnant.  Our doctor wants us to move ahead to the next phase of fertility treatments, which although it means a higher success rate, it is more intense and it one of the final stages of fertility treatment.  While hopeful, I'm also scared, nervous and overwhelmed.  

After all this news I was struggling to feel hopeful.  I was frustrated and confused why God allows all these things to be happening to us, and those we love around us.  I trust that God has a perfect plan for everything, but was struggling to see it.  How can he allow all these terrible things to be happening at one time?
And for all these people around me to be hurting?

On the night we found out we weren't pregnant, we were exhausted from the days events and I was feeling emotional, frustrated and overwhelmed.  Before I went to bed Chris read me Lamentations chapter 3. 

For the first 18 verses Jeremiah talks about how much pain and affliction he's been through.  

It's this terrible picture of sorrow and abandonment that he felt.  

Through tears from both of us, he read these verses
and I felt hopeful for us and those around us:

I remember my affliction and my wandering, 

the bitterness and the gall. 

I well remember them, 

and my soul is downcast within me. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. 

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, 

for his compassions never fail. 

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness. 

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, 

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly

for the salvation of the Lord. 

Lamentations 3: 19 - 26 

I want to wait quietly and patiently for the Lord. 

and so we will continue to lift up our same prayer requests night after night, 

for I know that my hope is in the Lord and that He is faithful. 

Linking up to:

inspirational blog hop

a better friend

dress: Old Navy    tights: Target    boots: Kohls

I am working on being better at looking at challenges and trials as something that God has put in my life to teach me something valuable.  One of the lessons I'm learning through my struggle to get pregnant is what to say to someone who is struggling with something in their life.  I know people's intentions are good, 

but there are times when I have felt frustrated with people's responses to me.  

I know that God is using this situation to change me and make me stronger, more caring, and hopefully a better friend to others that are going through a tough time.  While every struggle is different and some are big and some are little, everyone wants to feel encouraged and loved when going through something hard.  

I'm learning that the best way to do this isn't by offering advice or telling them to relax and think positively, 

but by telling them that you love them, 

will listen to them whenever they need to talk, 

even if it is saying the same thing over and over.  

And most importantly telling them you love them.  

Thankfully God has blessed me with a few friends and my family that have done this for me and hopefully I will be able to do the same when others I know are going through something hard in their lives.

Don't forget to enter my headband giveaway at henning love!


On Your Heart Tuesdays
Cup Half Full
Call me blessed

more waiting . . .

I found out some disappointing news on Friday.  My first round of fertility treatments did not end as planned and I have to start over and try again in a few weeks.    I'm sad and disappointed. Friday morning, before I found out, I was driving to the dr.'s office early before school and I was feeling frustrated with the whole situation - the time commitment and the emotional toll in particular.
  In the hopes of improving my attitude, I started thinking of the things that I am grateful for through this situation and how God has used this trial. Finding joy in times of trials sometimes takes some searching!  But I soon thought of many things, and I'm glad those we're all in my mind as I have needed to think of them often these last few days.

1. Our marriage - I'm reminded all the time throughout this year how lucky I am to be married to Chris.  He has been understanding, sympathetic and encouraging through all of this.  We've become closer and our marriage is stronger.  I know that this will make us better parents when we do have kids. 

2. Insurance - I can't imagine the burden I'd feel if we didn't have insurance.  My insurance through work is wonderful and I don't how we could do this, without it.   

3. My family & friends - I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who love me, pray for me and listen to me. Sometimes I feel like I am a broken record because for the last year I've been dealing with and struggling with the same thing.  I appreciate the constant reassurance that they always want to hear how I'm doing and how I feel.  

4. Patience - While this is something I'm definitely still learning, God is teaching me to wait patiently for His perfect timing.  I remember in high school my youth pastor's wife would always tell me not to pray for patience because God would surely teach it to me!  While I don't recall praying specifically for patience before all this, I think it was time that I started learning it.  

I made this painting awhile ago and look at it every morning in my bathroom.
It is a great reminder to be joyful and thankful for all the things God has given me.

I read this verse today and I love the comfort that comes with it.  

Psalm 61:2  From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. 

Lead me to the towering rock of safety. 

My hear is overwhelmed, but I know God is good and has a perfect plan for us.  

On Your Heart Tuesdays
Cup Half Full
Call Me Blessed

It's been about a year . . . .

This time, about one year ago my husband started something that has changed our marriage and our relationship with each other and with God.   It was also around this time last year, that my grandpa was fighting pancreatic cancer.  Through more conversations with him, I learned of what a passionate and devoted prayer he was.  I always knew that he prayed for his grandchildren and family, but I didn't know to what extent.  My dad spent lots of time with him while he was in the hospital and shared with me that at night he would go through each of his grandchildren and spouses lifting up prayer requests for big and small things in each of our lives.  I took so much comfort and encouragement knowing that so many of my needs were being lifted up to the Lord by him, every night.  

This time last year, we also heard a sermon about husbands taking care of and praying for their wives, which caused Chris to start a routine that has been such a blessing in our life.  He now prays for me, our families and friends every single night.  He has yet to miss one night since last February.  One day in March last year after he had prayed for us I was talking about what an example my grandpa would leave behind and Chris said that when we're 80 years old we can tell our grandchildren that starting in February 2010, we prayed for our family every night too.  

With that being said, we have now been praying for the exact same prayer request every single night.  

We have been praying for me to get pregnant and for us to start our family.  

So far God has yet to answer our prayer.  

I know that God is waiting for His perfect timing to give us a baby, and after a year of praying it is becoming a challenge to not grow wearing in lifting up the same prayer request night after night.  

I've been finding great comfort and encouragement in verses like this:

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."  Psalm 37:7

In the next week we'll be starting a process that could be our answer to our prayers. 
I'm excited, nervous, scared, and hopeful. 
For today, I'm working on being patient and trusting that God's timing is perfect. 

Linking up with: 

On Your Heart Tuesdays

Mingle Monday

Introverted and Dependent

 Dress: Francesca's ($10)  Boots: Old Navy ($20)  Scarf: Handmade (directions here)

If I had to pick whether I am an introvert or extrovert I would choose introvert.  I would much rather choose to spend an evening at home with Chris, or even with a few friends, than to be out with a large group of people.  If I don't have time alone during a week, then I don't feel relaxed and get more overwhelmed. 

Then if you ask if I am more independent or dependent I would definitely pick dependent.  I think a large part of that comes from getting married so young.  I never had to live on my own (minus the year and half I spent in a college dorm, I don't think that counts).  Chris is currently out of town for work and I hate staying alone.  So much I sleep at my parents.  I don't like making big choices on my own.  I need advice and encouragement often.  

It's interesting because I feel like introvert and dependent are opposite words but both accurately describe me.  Anyone else relate?

On a different note I really like this dress I bought this weekend, except that it comes with some serious static cling all over.  Caused me some problems today.

Hope you had a nice Monday!