Holding on . . .

dress: kohls ($3 clearance)  bracelet: made by me  boots: kohls (on sale!) 

After each failed fertility treatment we've had, I've learned something new from it.

One of the things I'm learning is that I want to approach our next attempt differently.

This time I want to not hold on to all the "what ifs" and try to enjoy the other things in my life. 

At the beginning of summer I tried on a pair of bright yellow pants at the Gap.  They were $10 but I didn't buy them because they were a little tight and I was convinced I'd be pregnant soon so they wouldn't fit for long.

I didn't sign up for a handful of races this summer and fall that I had wanted to do, because I thought I'd be pregnant.

While these things are little, not only do I grieve a failed cycle ,

but also the things I feel like I missed out on.  Even if they are a $10 pair of pants.

(which embarrassingly I've thought about many times)

While some things have to be put on hold while we go through a cycle, some things don't.

When some friends at school asked if I wanted to sign up for a gym membership so we could take different classes together, my first response was going to be no.

What a waste of money if I only do it for one or two months and then have to cancel?

Then I thought about it and signed up.

I don't want to put everything on hold as we sit and wait for this part of our life to happen.

Worse case scenario, I lose a little money on a month's membership, don't get to participate in a race I paid for, or only get to wear a pair of pants a few times.

It's so easy to let this consume every aspect of my life and I don't want it to anymore. 

So today I'm working on letting go of planning all aspects of my life and taking advantage of what I can enjoy now.

Like being able to wear my fringe boots and $3 clearance dress.

call me blessed   ONYT