Glimpses

 

jacket: kohls      top: forever 21   jeans: ross maternity   flats: rue 21

These last few days have been quite emotional for me as I've watched my mom go through heart surgery and recovery, and seeing my dad stay right by her worried, taking care of her.  I've been emotional thinking about last Mother's Day and the fear and emotions that came with longing to be able to celebrate and then the reality and overwhelming joy that this Mother's Day I can celebrate.   
I looked at my calendar the other week and had May 9th circled.  I hadn't thought too much about that date since becoming pregnant, but know that date would have been often in my mind if I wasn't having this baby.  May 9th would have been our baby's due date if I hadn't had an early miscarriage in August.  I think about last Mother's Day or the weeks around last August and while I trusted that God had a plan, I had no idea why he was making us wait.  
As we prepare for this baby I've had glimpses of this timing being perfect.  I know we would've figured it out, but I can't imagine if I was having a baby this weekend, the same weekend my mom was having open heart surgery.  I think about Chris' business and how he wouldn't have started it if we had a baby a year ago.  

During our struggles and pain I know I had hope that one day I would understand God's plan and why he chose this path for us, and I think I am seeing glimpses of it with the timing of things and the lessons I've learned and the person I've become.  With that being said, I've also realized that I may never fully understand why God allowed us to go through that period of pain and suffering.  I just have to trust that He knows exactly what He is doing and have faith that His plan is so much more perfect than mine. 
I feel like these small glimpses are God's way of saying to me "I knew exactly what I was doing.  Continue to trust that I will give you what you need not a day early or a day late."